Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
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His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
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The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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