I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
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Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
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A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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