yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
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his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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