I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
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I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize