So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
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My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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