I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize