how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize