Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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