I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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