I must be too annoying 4 u.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize