It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize