She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
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It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
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It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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