I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize