I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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