no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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