I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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