it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
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