piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
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I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
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I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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