I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
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I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
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