Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
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Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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