It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
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She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
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Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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