I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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