he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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