so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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