So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
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Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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