dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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