it's too hot outside to masturbate.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
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is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
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No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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