He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
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Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
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Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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