how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
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I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
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Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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