don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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