none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize