look no pants
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize