why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize