Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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