threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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