ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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