watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
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There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
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I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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