Sponge bath it is.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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