he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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