I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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