Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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