my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
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True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
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ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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