I'm passing your future prison.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
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Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
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"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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