like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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