I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize