im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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