Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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