I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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