Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
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i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
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I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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