weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
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I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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